Monday, November 5, 2007

Relationships ...




This blog post was originally going to be titled ' Love', but then i decided against it, cos' i feel Love is such an ambiguous term. I guess everybody's been in love some time, and i'm sure each one has an own definition for 'Love', a definition which might make sense to you, or some might even not bother to think of a definition, cos' maybe all they need is the warmth it gives. But i guess one point is really clear from all this, love is certainly good, so good that everyone wants it, even the people who claim they are better off without it actually crave for it. At least in my opinion they do.

And now if love is a good thing, then why is it so messy all the time ? I'm sure no one ever has had a perfect love life ever. Right ? So whats the reason behind it being screwed up all the time.

There is a saying that goes something like (crap!) Love is unselfish and stuff like that, but even the guy who wrote that knew that wasn't true. How am i so sure about this ? , cos' thats how we humans are made to be. So if those words were to be true then i guess we humans can't be in Love. Each one of us is selfish, but the problem with being in love or having a relationship is you're expected to be unselfish( mebbe cos' everyone believes those words ' Love is unselfish'), or maybe its again just human nature to expected the impossible from everyone else around you. And you expect so much from your so called partner, cos' you both are supposed to be in love, right ? So starts the chain of expectations( BTW i'm not gender biased in anyway, i swear, but if my post seems to be biased towards picking female behavior to bash , then i'm sorry it was unintentional(but i can't help it tho'... This blog is mine [;-)])

So with expectations sky-rocketing, every relationship should get screwed up sooner or later. But, why do some relationships last longer than others ? Coming to that, i need to go into the kinds of relationships( according to me), first there are couples who aren't really serious, and they don't hesitate to admit that, but they find each other interesting, and mebbe worth spending time with, so they stick together, everything is fine at least for the time being. We're not going to discuss them anymore in this post. And then there are these couples who are trying to having a serious relationship, the guy thinks this is the girl for him, and vice versa, and they really intent on making it work, but they are confused, they really don't know what they need and where it is finally going, cos' the whole relationship has no logic or a foundation, they are just people who 'think' they are perfect for each other, but fail to understand that ' thinking' alone wont be sufficient, but then they don't hesitate to tell everyone - ' We're together for life'. They tend to stay together a little longer than the first kind, but then it usually go the long way. And finally there is this couple( not plural, to maybe imply there are very few people in this category) who are together, maybe they're not the perfect pair, but then they actually realize in the true sense that they can actually make the relationship work with some effort from both of them, and for that they are ready to be logical, in short these are the brainy people who are ready to make it work, and who know how to make it work. And by now you must've understood where i'm leading you, of course it is the third class of couples who manage to get together and be together.

My point therfore is, the success or worthiness of a relationship is purely based on what the people involved are ready to give up for each other, and also whether they have a resolve to keep it going. Now this is in direct conflict with the human behavior i spoke about earlier, Right ? I was so sure when i said no human can be unselfish, i think thats holds good even now. But then how on earth is it possible to sacrifice little things for your partner, when even a little sacrifice would qualify as being unselfish ?

You :Are you nuts ?? You are just contradicting yourself, that too in the same post... Loser ..

Me: That is exactly what i've been trying to say here, to make a relationship work, you need a super-human effort.

So people out there, you need to actually take a extra-ordinary effort to make a relationship work, because a relationship requires two humans to succeed, and thats the worst possible thing. Never will two human souls ever think alike. So to make it work you need a lot of effort.But its totally worth is, like is said Love is obviously a good thing .. Right ?

Now i guess this answers the queries of those few people, who ask me ' Why aren't you committed da? ' . Like i said Love requires EFFORT. I'm too LAZY ...

P.S: When i put up posts like this, i need to get some replies, else i'll go crazy .. so do the needful, on a more serious note, you should leave your thoughts on 'Relationships' here ..

4 ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS:

Vijay said...

nice topic da....

For me ,it was like reading a blog on some informative thing than i never knew...

Honestly,till now,i dont have a good knowledge of my opposite sex FRIENDS(couldnt find an alternate word)and iam a bit of a male chauvinist apart from being egoistic.....

so ,all these reasons pile up to tell you why iam single....so ,my very own idea of a relationship is down to 0....

But i have my parents,living right before my eyes as a couple....they belong to the third kind of "relationship" ,you mentioned...so i could get some idea of what tis "relationsip" could be...

I prefer using the word "love" instead of reltionship...

MY POINT: LOVE of any of the three kinds you mentioned could not be worked out if there was honestly any love at all between either of the couples...
ie..you never ever can make a relationship work...

when you tend to sacrifice any thing for your partner ,its not indicating your selfless ness....it is infact a show of your selfishness..
you pay a price inorder to keep your relationship goin...n u dont mind doin it....n believe me, you would never do such a thing without having a true love for your mate...

end of thoughts.

thanks for the topic da..

Guru said...

Yep, of course what you say is so very true, you cannot ever make it work, if there is no 'Love' or rather ' A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.'( that is how the dictionary defines it)in the first place.

Most couples have no dearth of Love between them, but, Love alone won't take them long. That is exactly what i've tried to convey in my post.I've tried to point out what else is required in addition to Love ...


And you have a nice way of looking at things: Sacrifice itself is something selfish; you give up certain stuff expecting something bigger and better.So very true, how come i never thought of it that way ? Like i said you have a very different way of looking at things buddy, and that is exactly why i'm asking you to start blogging da .. .

Cheers ...

Venkat said...

What you sadi is true da...Well I've seen all three classes of people and yeah its so very easy to pick out the kind if you get to notice them closely...As for Vijay he has this totally new perspective of looking at things...

skip said...

I often think what does love means but I never get the answer. Nice and informative post that you have.

 
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