Monday, February 25, 2008

I Need Closure ...

These days I've suddenly started questioning the point behind every single recent decision of mine, reason: a lot has gone 'not-exactly-my-way', actually there is no real significant issue that started this off. But, all of a sudden i've lost all faith in the different choices i made recently (choices that've made my life the way it is now). I've never faced anything like this before, i swear... This is tough .. I always stand by my choices and trust them, no matter what happens and i even keep telling myself that even i were to get a chance to go back in time and take the decision again, i still would stick to my first choice ( at least 90% of the time). That gave me so much confidence and i never used to get hung up on problems that arose cos' of my foolish choices. One word - Move on ..

I guess i've lost all means of closure now, this used to be my strength earlier. I got closure whenever i wanted it, i had this penchant to generate closure for every little problem. Actually most of the time a simple 'fuck off/this' would do, and i could use that to clear anything off my head and forget the problem.

Earlier..

Me: Eh, maybe you should've done that 'this' way ? It would've made things so much better for both of us ..

Myself: Fuck this !! Like i can change anything now..

Now..

Me: Eh, maybe you should've done that 'this' way ? It would've made things so much better for both of us ..

Myself: Ya .. Even i've been thinking bout' that too.. Shit man, what was wrong with me, i must've been doped or something when i made that choice. Life would've been so much better if hadn't been for that one thing.. Damn .. Wish there was some way i could reverse this all. ... ... ... ... ...

Now, something like ^^ this might be 'just normal' for someone else. But not for me, this ties me down bigtime. I'm distracted all the time and my efficiency has touched an all time low (which is actually very very low cos even when i'm normal i'm not so very efficient)..

And there is this thing with situations like this - they just keep piling up, i'm starting to think about things that happened so long ago ( like back during school or last year). And i seem to be going back in timeline to pick the different choices i made and cry( not literally though.. i've not reached that stage yet) for them.

I need closure .. I need to Move on ..

I really want to get back to my usual self, me with a two-word-anytime closure.

I need it real soon, before i go crazy ..

:(

This is post #31 in 2008. I've posted more times than i did last year in the first two months of this year(check my archive >>). Jus' an observation .. ;) Thank you all ...

3 ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS:

Ela said...

Ohk ohh....this happens at times to people i guess....since i am not of the type who can fall asleep immediately, i use that time to think about the day and the mistakes that i made on that particular day, whether the things that happened that day make any sense and whether i can improve anything in future...that's all... the day is over for me...the next day is a whole new day... And i never had any grudges over the way my life had been so far...there was only one thing that i kept on cursing myself, for letting it happen, in the last 6 months of 2007 but that too is not there anymore... It happened and i lived through that, making it just another experience in my life! i guess it will also pass for u! so chill down and try to relax!

Yayathy said...

Hey was about to post on this topic but you overtook me, my thoughts are almost the same with a lot of places where i got myself fcked up.. Life really welcomes us man...........


Cheers!!!!!

Arun Sundar said...

U'r blog very much lives up to its title.

 
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